Interstellar Extension Cord Misses the Mark
Wellington Leg: The Space Agency, once a disreputable literary agency feeding off reading fees, has launched Wellington Leg’s first satellite, the Lou Reed Orbiter. The satellite contains miniaturized minutes of Towne Council Meetings intended to show an alien culture how tedious life on earth can be. “Invaders will listen to the endless droning of our council members and decide against invading earth.”
The orbiter comes equipped with an extension chord designed by the forty third earl whose prose is also a deterrent to alien invasion, critics note. The extension chord enables our Wellonauts to hang holiday lights from the orbiter; the lights add a bit of cheer and serve as navigational aids for wandering interstellar vehicles. “We don’t want aliens to invade the earth only to discover they thought they were somewhere else, and think, well, since we’re here, let’s take over. Let’s find Max’s Kansas City.”
The platform was free launched into geosynchronous orbit by Marvelous Marv Oxenhutte, the strongest man in Wellington Leg. Mr. Oxenhutte threw the extension chord a minutes after launch and “hit the bullseye” winning VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA as a door prize as well a recording of Hizzoner singing SWEET JANE during last year’s Roman Invasion. The subsequent throwing of a Barcalounger by Mr. Oxenhutte resulted in his arrest.
” It’s high time we entered the space race,” said a spokesman for the Tower. Science editor Hannibal Barca reporting.