Looking for Max’s Kansas City
Wellington Leg: In an exclusive to the Druidical & Literary a senior scout for an interstellar civilization comes clean about why they are here, among us, and why they gravitate toward life in Wellington Leg. D&L intern Heather DeMedici sat down with “Jose Canseco” a nomme de guerre adopted by the Visitor from Space.
Let’s get something clear at the beginning: are you using steroids?
Steroids are a snack food on my planet. They enabled us to push our first space ship off our planet.
What happened then?
Well, we got a jumpstart from a motorist on the Major Deegan.
Were you scared?
I was because I had finished reading BONFIRE OF THE VANITIES. We fear bond traders in our culture.
Why Wellington Leg? Why are you here?
Wellington Leg has a billboard on the edge of town welcoming visitors. And, to be honest, we thought Lou Reed lived here.
Are you saying he doesn’t?
We’re not sure. We like COSTCO though.
Are you able to shape shift?
Only on Wednesdays. That’s why the DMV is so crowded midweek.
Why are you visiting earth?
We’re looking for Max’s Kansas City. Our powerful Leader dropped in thirty five years ago and hasn’t been seen since.
What’s his name?
Jose Canseco. We all have the same name.
Why do you resemble giant squids?
One of our marketing people dreamed that up. We thought you would find the look reassuring.
I’m like, yuck, you know?
It’s an inconvenient shape, I’ll grant you that.
Thanks for sitting down with me today.
Grab a handful of Alien Growth Hormone on your way out.