Wellington Leg: With less than a week remaining before the Kalends of Januaris Towne officials admit the Keeper of the Calendar, Wendell Todd, forgot to advance the Calendar more than three weeks ago. “We’re going to propose a do-over,” said Professor Moriarity. “The Romans added and subtracted months to suit their purposes,” he added. “Wellington Leg can do the same.”
July: July was a boring month so there’s no point in repeating it. “July” was tacked on in honor of Julius Caesar and August was added to honor Caesar Augustus. Otherwise the year was ten months long.
The month of Hoboken: towne officials wish to honor our sister city, Hoboken, New Jersey, by naming a new month Hoboken. The problem lies in positioning the new month and then promoting its use . Legians are notoriously resistant to change; many authors objected fearing that being published in the month of Hoboken might hamper sales.
“It’s awfully late in the game to place a new month,” said VP of Development Wilfredo Tagesblatt. “Why not wait until the Gastropods are back in Spring Training?”
With New Year celebrations imperiled local night clubs may have to close at 6pm. Wellington Leg would then “pause” for two or three weeks while Wendell Todd makes the days fall from the calendar maybe grabbing a handful of days all at once or, as some have proposed, making use of a power tool to speed the process along.
Protestors chanted “Behead Wendell” during a brief outburst near the statue of the Earl on Horseback. They were driven back by a shower of COSTCO coupons. Geraldo reporting.