Earl Distracted by Simpson?
Wellington Leg: As if Legians didn’t have enough to worry about stories are circulating that the earl’s monumental sixty yard fumble during Bob’s Anti-Freeze Wellington Fake New Year’s Bowl was caused not by octogenarian snapper Ponce de Leon but by the presence of a celebrity in the stands. Upon further review the earl can be seen “mugging and waving” in the direction of the Priority Bleachers a tropical area where Towne Officials gather.
A second camera angle shot exclusively for the W! Network indicates that Ponce was on his cellphone moments before the snap; as the earl breaks from the huddle Ponce performs a handstand while the earl, perhaps confused, tries to audible.
“I think Homer Simpson was in the Priority Bleachers,” reported eyewitness Stan The Man. “The earl kind of waved and then the ball is bouncing sixty yards behind the line of scrimmage.”
“The Crows were a two deep zone and we were in pass formation. I think the earl made the read, he likes to read, be it ebook, audio, or traditional. Coach Fenders tapped the side of his nose and then scratched his chin creating Inner Conflict for his qb. Pass? Run? Squib kick?”
Scandalous Behavior? In the aftermath of the big play some are saying that the earl fell asleep in the huddle after partying all night with Homer Simpson. When the huddle broke and the wideouts went into motion the earl lay on his back, snoring.
Towne to ban Celebrities: A Celebrity Ban is on the agenda at this evening’s towne council meeting. Eddie Parker, owner of Eddie’s Book Nook, plans to protest the ban. “I’ve got Godzilla lined up for Friday night,” he said. “His people have spoken to my people. My people have spoken to me and I have spoken with them.”
It’s not clear if Prehistoric G is a celebrity. Nevertheless the Fire Brigade is resentful: author signings are frequently riots waiting to happen. Geraldo reporting.