Spent Turnip a Forensic Bonanza
Gastropod Alley: Divers have recovered the turnip that city leaders claim is responsible for the war with Rome. Historians and hairdressers agree that when the earl threw the turnip at a Roman sentry it was the “clank heard round the world.”
Judge Hamilcar Frist had ordered the earl to appear at Devizes the historic and magisterial edifice where fast food and justice are on the menu twenty four seven. Towne officials objected but the order was issued after a Greek Chorus demanded to see the turnip so laden with consequence for Wellington Leg.
“One can clearly see an indentation on the turnip’s outer skin,” said Professor Moriarity. “If one boils a sample turnip in a vat of beer the earl’s culpability in this regard emerges full force.”
Certified Volvo mechanic Lars Kierkegaard will represent the earl at trial. “We are all guilty,” Lars said. Lars’ essay JOURNEY OR FOREIGNER will form the basis of his opening statement. “If we behead the earl for this offense, what will change?” he asked.
Crazy Glue Incident: CSI Caruso is unable to testify. “Someone put crazy glue on the stems of his sunglasses. He cannot remove his sunglasses and therefore cannot speak.”
Fifty thousand Roman troops are massed at the overflow parking lot near COSTCO in Goth. They crowded the Wellington Leg Book Mobile operated by adjunct librarian Waltraut Frothingmunster. “Crime fiction is very popular,” Waltraut said. “They love John Banville when he writes as Benjamin Black,” she added. Her Turnips Wellington recipe is also a hit with the troops.
Rex Love-Handles reporting.
January 24th, 2008 at 11:40 am
If forced to choose, I’d have to go with JOURNEY.
But, a tough chioce. How about neither?
January 24th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
Lars is suffering from Northwest sunstroke, a rare disorder that leads to poor taste in music.