Duchess Baffles Bosox in Spring Debut
Lake Trasimere Florida: If the Baltimore Orioles are to contend this year they’ll need more outings like the Duchess’ two inning masterpiece against Boston last night. The Sawx looked lost against the crafty right hander who blew away Big Papi and Manny with her circle change and exceptional knitwear.
Three finger grip: when her changeup leaves her hand it looks like a four seam fastball or a loose seam pantaloon before morphing into the lobby of the Woolworth Building literary scouts report. Author Jose Canseco took his hacks during her bullpen session. “She’s nasty,” Jose said.
Full pinky extension: “Imagine one is handling fine bone china,” said a Yankee scout. “She gets full pinkie extension on all her pitches from every arm slot. She’s tougher than Joba.”
She denies Hooters involvement: The Duchess was not part of a brawl at a local Hooters Saturday night. She came to camp with a new attitude probably thrilled to be free of the Fighting Gastropods who are rebuilding this year. In a related story Major League Baseball is ignoring the Dowager Princess who has declared the Tigers as winners of the 2008 World Series. “She can’t expect us to cancel the entire season just because she issues one of her executive orders,” said a spokesman for the commissioner.
Scouts for the Mariners, Phillies, and Cubs were seen pouring through Aristotle’s Poetics during the game. “The first three innings are an overture,” said a Mariners executive. “We’re not sure what comes next,” he added.
Aristotle never addressed the dilemma of extra innings. Marvelous Marv reporting.