Cosmo Crackdown Rattles the Leg
“Characters in popular fiction shall no longer imbibe by sipping Cosmos nor shall any writer in these environs mention colourful drinks by name.”
Wellington Leg: The Dowager Princess issued this order early Monday perhaps in response to criticism regarding her naming the Detroit Tigers as World Series Champs. Major League Baseball has refused to cancel the 2008 season leaving Herself both “out of sorts and ill-humoured” according to sources at the Tower.
Disappointment for Rapunzel: “First it was my carbon footprint now I can’t have a drink,” Rapunzel said. Indeed city ordnances have forbidden Rapunzel from “letting down her hair” due to the thickness and volume of her admittedly long hair. The forty third earl is on deck to rescue to Rapunzel by scaling the tower using her trusses, but even he conceded that the years of waiting have taken their toll. “It’s difficult to sally forth,” he said. “I await word from the comfort of my hammock.”
While not a Cosmo fan himself the earl will have the occasional rainbow Marguerita to while away the hours spent snoozing near the base of the tower.
Rewrite people assemble: a team of rewrite people will arrive from Hollywood California sometime this week according to VP of Development Wilfredo Tagesblatt. “If we can’t get Rapunzel down from the Tower we don’t have a story,” he said. Plans to blow the tower up were reviewed and quickly rejected, he added. “Talk about your carbon footprint,” he said.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.