Dow Plummets as Earl Approaches Aerodrome
Wellington Aerodrome: the forty third earl made plans to travel sending the financial markets into a tailspin. “He’s not coming here, is he?” asked a floor specialist who insisted his name not be spelled correctly for this article. “He’s not going to read aloud?”
Panic was widespread as the first of several steamer trunks appeared at the baggage depot. While not regarded as carry on baggage the trunks will be stored in the overhead bin where a team of miniaturization specialists will shrink the mighty luggage for the duration of the flight. Once arrived a bicycle pump will be employed to restore the trunks to their previous grandeur.
Destination Unknown? In anticipation of the earl’s airborne journey the Wellington Leg Orchestra played WHEN THE LEVEE BREAKS on the famed east west runway: incoming flights were suspended for a time including Natasha’s unplanned touchdown in a Sukhoi fighter bomber. “Her dad is going to be really mad,” noted close friend Boris. “She isn’t supposed to borrow the Sukhoi.”
The earl upstaged? Aerodrome officials ruled against permitting the earl’s spinnet piano to be “carried on” by dogsbody Urquhart Depew. “We’ve lugged this thing all over towne,” Depew said. “Now this close to the finish line they won’t let me board.”
Four flights a day arrive at Wellington Aerodrome where they are greeted by actors portraying air traffic controllers. Once on the ground the planes have to sit for hours on the tarmac to simulate actual conditions. As Time Goes By a crew pushes a flight of stairs toward the aircraft; they are overseen by officials of the Vichy Government to ensure dramatic authenticity.
Major markets are expected to recover on Monday once it becomes evident that the earl is not on a book tour. NASDAQ officials plan to hide in a stairwell for the entire weekend while currency traders will take refuge in one of the few public telephone booths still available. “We know the phone is broken,” a trader said. “There’s no easy fix,” he added.
Geraldo reporting for Panic Now Enterprises.