Wellington Leg: There was a reference in a New York Times dispatch today describing American and Iraqi troops entering eastern Baghdad; the Mahdi Army uses carrier pigeons to communicate and the Iraqi commander asked if it was okay to shoot them. The American guy thought it was okay as long the Iraqis were pretty sure the pigeons were up to no good. As if on cue a flock or platoon of pigeons rose from the rooftops carrying their handlers’ urgent communiques.
Anyone who lives in an urban setting has mixed feelings about pigeons. They coo and rustle and flutter in buildings alcoves, on window ledges, above dark alleys and Fifth Avenue salons. Pigeons have little evident regard for humans and in return we aren’t excited by the majestic arrival of a pigeon on our red carpet; like the GIs in Baghdad we’re not sure if it’s okay to go ahead and shoot them.
There are pigeon people in every major city who keep rooftop aviaries and train the messengers who, being pigeons, are often shot at the earliest opportunity, if not literally then metaphorically. This is happening on a grand scale during the US presidential campaign as the pigeons are picked off one by one until two remain to confront one another in November. The final pigeon will fall and the survivor will become President. This person, this victor, will not be viewed as a pigeon or a lame duck until time and distance transform them into a swan or a Golden Goose. This person can give an executive order to shoot the pigeons of their choice or, with noblesse oblige, spare the pigeon whose wings flutter too close for comfort.
So, by all means, shoot the pigeons. Remember to gauge their intentions first, and once the threat assessment is complete, open fire. If the pigeon takes evasive action, then rest assured you made the right decision in the first place. If the pigeon shoots back call headquarters. Call collect. This is big news.