David Thayer

Wellington Leg: During a writers retreat at Canary Slough a mechanical owl was observed in the woods south of the campus not far from the Wallop Upgrade on Highway 61. The majestic bird flew over Maggie’s Farm before alighting close to Fourth Street. “It might have been Third Street,” said birder Marjorie Mayhew. “I’m not positive it was Fourth Street.”

If the owl has returned to the Leg it would confirm the migratory nature of Wellington Leg’s signature bird. The mechanical owl is a rare species with a white face and matching gloves, which, like a rolling stone, travels here and there in search of mechanical food.

Back on the endangered list? Great changes to its natural habitat have forced the owl to hitch rides rather than fly. “We saw one from a Buick 6,” noted Ms. Mayhew. “It may have been driving a small bore Lotus.”

Mechanical owls are quite large some weighing over twenty kilos. They favor leafy environs although a cave dwelling owl with a penchant for aluminum siding was studied by the forty third earl. “They left the caves,” he said. “They may have been suffering from subterranean homesick blues.”

Some believe the development of Vertiginous Pines, a condo community, may have influenced the sudden departure of the owls several years ago. The vast new tract called Desolation Row was suspended after Ophelia was observed “neath her window.”

Geraldo reporting for Wellington Leg Science and Birding.

Wellington Copse: Our latest television reality show fared poorly last night among city dwellers who rely on public transportation. “Copse” features a group of trees identified only by garish purple ribbons affixed to their lower branches. The highlight of the two hour opener: some of the copse bend slightly in the breeze. A hint of suspense came when Dick “Chainsaw” Cheney, a local lumber magnate, wondered aloud if clearcutting might enhance the otherwise barren hillside.

One of the writers for “Copse” is Waltraut Frothingmunster retired postmistress of Wellington Leg. Tanked up on Leonard Cohen lyrics Waltraut wrote the entire program in a single ten hour sitting. “I’m like a bird on the wire,” she said. “A drunk in midnight choir.” VP of Development Wilfredo Tagesblatt concedes the show is doomed. “Trees are boring,” he said. “But don’t quote me.”

The insertion of a forty minute infomercial livened things up but by then the vast majority of Legians were sound asleep. “The image of the forty third earl doing one hand pushups lingers still,” noted DCI Borchardt who watched the entire program in the swank loft conversion he recently purchased from My Hedge Fund.

In defense of the two hour drama it should be pointed out that an alien spacecraft landed near the copse shortly after a paid political announcement. Creatures not of this earth picnicked under the canopy of branches studying an “Obama 08″ poster. “We may have missed a dramatic interlude,” concedes Mr. Tagesblatt.

Several Leonard Cohen CDs were pirated by the intruders from deep space, sources report.  T. Rex Love-Handles reporting for Wellington Leg After Dark.

Wellington Leg: Tiring of the Goldilocks Economy the Dowager Princess declared a State of Siege this morning after learning the Yankees home opener had been rained out. Among her fiats and directives she ordered chief meteorologist Carl Icon beheaded and unveiled a plan to wrest control of Wall Street banks from local schoolgirl Eugenia Phaeton. Eugenia’s show and tell project My Hedge Fund now has a controlling interest in Lehman Brothers.

Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson believes that Wellington Leg may hold the key for a revamped oversight of the troubled banking industry. “We’re looking into an alternative reality approach to the crisis. But the White House will not accept alternatives that clash with the current alternative whatever that may be.”

Eugenia Grounded: adding to the angst comes word that Eugenia forgot to do her homework last night sending the futures market sharply lower, the dollar plunging against the Euro, and commodity prices through the roof. Trading curbs were imposed by noon and poetry readings held on the floor of the Piltdown Exchange. The Live Hogs Pit, always a source of trouble, enjoyed a respite after a foray by the Decima Fulminata Legion camped near Goth. “Roman troops apparently wanted to play dice with the traders and wrestle the hogs. ” Mall Security used Dr. Pepper Spray to end the melee.

The Footsie and the Dax collapsed briefly in morning trading perhaps unnerved by the return of Kathy Lee Gifford to the small screen. “You know when New York and Wellington Leg begin to resemble one another, it’s time to sell,” noted Gareth Panic of Number 44 Crutched Friars, the City. Mr. Panic has cornered the rutabaga market for April 1 delivery.

T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.