Writer’s Brain Finds an Owner
Wellington Leg Lost and Found: Mr. Henderson Pugh of 14 Marriage of Figaro Gasse has claimed the brain left at Hizzoner’s Assembly Ball last Thursday evening. The brain had been checked at the door by mall security forces after Mr. Pugh created a disturbance by telling an attendant that “tota Gallia in tres partes divisa est.” He also remarked that he was planning to “throw a bridge across the Rhine.”
If He’s Not Julius Caesar, then Who is He? After the initial scuffle DCI Borchardt took control of the scene although his personal dignity suffered a blow when his Moderne Hairpiece took flight during an orchestral overture. After several orbits of the Hall the toupee buzzed the front row seats where dignitaries and luminaries screamed until rodeo star Mister Dubya lassoed the runaway rug.
Brain Labeled by Mom? The lost and found returned the brain to Mr. Pugh after they found his name taped to the Medulla Oblongata. “My mother labeled my socks and underwear,” Mr. Pugh explained. “She labeled my Canned Heat album,” he added. “Thank goodness.”
His Latin Outburst: Professor Dan Tana of the Left Brain Bank thinks Mr. Pugh spoke Latin in a previous life. “Certainly we know by now that Gaul is divided into many parts, more than three, more than thirty three.” Using a pair of heavy duty scissors Tana snipped away at a map of Gaul. “There you have it,” he said. “A million little pieces.”
Jello Mold to the Rescue: One of the toughest substances on earth, jello mold was used to preserve the brain for a week. “It’s working fine,” Mr. Pugh reported. “Except that now I speak Portuguese.”
Mr. Pugh is a freelance writer. “It’s not a job you can do for long without a brain,” he confessed. “A week, tops.”
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.