Gastropod Alley: As if the hot weather were not enough Wellington Leg was shocked to learn that their very own Earl of Watership Down has been swallowed by a whale. The incident occurred Sunday when the earl sailed his Fred Flintstone model raft into the choppy waters of Great Bowring Bay shortly after brunch at the Hotel Faz. Sailors aboard the Adrienne Barbeau observed the earl rowing east southeast when the mammoth beast rose from the depths and swallowed him. They notified the Port which, in turn, notified the ship that the port had been notified.
Ironies Abound: Just last spring several whales beached themselves near Cape Schmier. The earl drove them back to the sea by reading aloud from his masterpiece VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA. Whales, despite their great size, fear bad prose as much as the next guy. He then saved a Beluga that Boris has flushed down the toilet eleven years earlier unaware that the fingerling was now bigger than a Volvo station wagon.
Raft recovered: Local potter Anthony “Tony Prawns” Provenzano had just finished throwing a business rival over his roof when Fred Flintstone sailed through the air striking Mr. Prawns on the chin. By the time the Flying Squad arrived, the damage had been done: twenty three bullet holes had punctured the raft destroying the Pebbles and Bam-Bam outriggers. “Who shoots a rubber raft?” asked DCI Borchardt. “Who flushes a whale down a toilet?” Mr. Prawns rejoined.
How whales Communicate: a waterlogged note reading “swallow the earl” washed ashore near the Betty and Veronica extension of Wellington University. Professor Moriarity examined the note using a cathode ray and a bit of spandex: “I can tell you that the note was written by a blue whale using a Sharpie,” he said. “Now we know how whales communicate.”
Hizzoner considered lowering all flags to half mast but no one could shimmy up the flagpole. Anyone wishing to offer assistance in the matter may contact City Hall or by writing a note using a Sharpie.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.
Tags: Beluga