Middle Old Parke: The Parks Department has concluded that Klatu, the large robot from Mars, will be treated as a statue or monument and maintained accordingly. “We’re going to polish him up this afternoon,” said Department Chief Medvedev. “It’s time to mow the lawn,” he added. A crew on a John Deere riding mower approached Klatu this morning with mixed results. “We mowed a section of lawn before he vaporized our tractor,” said Sid a city employee. The Mars Lander, parked fifty meters from Klatu, absorbed the grass cuttings through a hollow tube. “We heard a giant sucking sound,” Sid reported.
You’ve Already Thought About Parking Here: Meter maid Constance believes that the Mars Lander is illegally parked. “I issued a citation yesterday,” she said. “Klatu ate the parking ticket.”
Brief Panic Ensues: Klatu took three steps forward and two steps back during lunch Monday afternoon. Sid had unwrapped his peanut butter and jelly sandwich when Klatu lurched forward. “We ran,” Sid said. “Klatu likes Wonder Bread.”
Hizzoner Ponders Options: The Wellington Leg Towne Council is drafting a stern warning to the Mars Lander and it’s occupants: “We demand that the giant robot be removed from our property and further declare that Klatu is a public nuisance. We order the Flying Squad to serve a warrant on the Lander in an expression of interstellar zoning regulations.”
Judge Hamilcar Frist is expected to authorize the warrant in his chambers just as soon as he’s freed from the diving bell he donned late last Friday. The courthouse is besieged by demonstrators voicing their support for the Martians. Mrs. Gabriella O’Day of Henley Hornbrook urged the crowd to “give Mars a chance.”
Officials hope to polish the robot with some sort of bronzing agent. Concetta Comedia dell Arta reporting.
Tags: City Council Notes, Klatu