Wellington Leg: Rumors that the forty third earl is writing a fashion novel are circulating through the literary and hair salons on Great Jones Street once an edgy urban street now gentrified and trendy. Never one to chase literary trends the earl has often shot himself in the foot with bulging novels of dubious merit. “He is a kind of literary Yugo with four flat tires,” said an unnamed literary agent. “If he’s reinventing himself I hope he remembers that the publishing industry has a long memory and captured in that are memory are stark and frightening images of his ridiculous escapades.”
Wardrobe by Wolfe: The New Earl will sport Tom Wolfe ice cream suits accented by peach colored scarves, paisley ascots and “le chien du jour” whatever that may be. Although he will continue writing on his late model IBM compatible machine he recently bought a typewriter at a garage sale. “He is both modern and ancient with various props to remind him that success in the publishing world sometimes demands a modicum of personal humiliation.”
Typewriter falls on his foot: Urquhart Depew reports that his Remington landed on the earl’s big toe at a critical juncture in his latest “writing frenzy” after the fashion dog bit his thigh. Bleeding but still typing his ascot then became jammed in the keyboard necessitating a visit from the Geek and Neckwear Squad who also delivered a critique of his pages. Upon completing his work session the earl was struck by a framed photo of James Wood; slightly off balance after the blow he tripped over a Hall & Henshaw designer ottoman and was rushed to Fashion Hospital.
Eddie Falcon, bathed in Brylcreem and Aqua Velva moved with assurance toward her royal highness who looked smashing in her Vera Wang casual armor. When she hesitated Eddie urged his steed forward…smashing an assassination plot by poorly dressed men and Bolsheviks.
What’s Brylcreem? I wonder…Tuffy Tuffington.
Tags: Tuffington Post