Great Wellington Aerodrome: On a slow news day the Mother of all the Russias sent armored columns to crush the breakaway republic of Wellington Leg. Notified of the hostilities The Dowager Princess dispatched riders from the Imperial Messenger Service to raise the alarm and alert the media. The Palace issued the following statement: “Wellington Leg will not roll over before the might of the Russias. Herself is both aggravated and aggrieved, anxious and anticipatory. However once her champion, The Earl, awakens from his slumber, he will punish the invaders as is his custom.”
Media Response: Wellington Leg TV gathered its most attractive anchor people to an emergency meeting during the Miss Wellington Beauty Pageant. “If the Russians disrupt our pageant we’re going to complain to Miss Universe,” vowed Anchor Tom Teeth. “Lots of people have spent lotsa time on personal grooming. We can’t look this good and cover a war.”
CNN declined to cover the invasion citing a sex scandal that ended two years ago but is still compelling TV journalism. What did Hillary Clinton know of the Edwards Affair? What would she have done if she had known? Why didn’t someone call her at three am to tell her?
The Earl Awakens: Understanding the post Soviet attitude toward aristocrats the Earl cut short his morning nap ordering his batmen to assemble his fearsome fighting attire. Borrowing from John McCain the earl shadow boxed in front of the mirror frightening a manservant. “Those Russians better run,” said Urquhart Depew. “The Earl is awake!”
Our Forces Mass: The Wellington Defense Force cheered as the earl mounted his trusty steed Mrs. Peel, and hefted his bright orange Sharpie. He used the Sharpie and a telestrator to outline his plan to blunt the Russian advance. A live video of the display is on its way to Moscow. “Let Catherine the Great download the streaming video,” he cried as his troops cheered.
A copy of the video is speeding toward CNN’s Atlanta headquarters.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting from the field.
Tags: Media Victory, Tsarist Policies