Wellington Leg: Gastropods Manager Tuffy Tuffington will be fired after midnight eastern time sources at the Palace say. His controversial decision to drill for natural gas beneath the dugout steps offended many in the Ministry of The Interior under whose purview such leases are granted and whose solemn task it is to collect royalties on behalf of Herself. Some are calling for Tuffy’s head which implies that he will be beheaded. The incident is an embarassment for the Bull Moose Party for whom drilling is a mantra. The Whigs promise a full investigation including large scale fulminations, recriminations, accusations, obfuscations and TV stations unless their demands are met.
Double Steal: Tuffy called for a double steal late in the game and the Interior Ministry heard the call: simple leases were adjusted to contain new language despite the fact the old language although indecipherable was battle tested wording unclear to all. With the public horrified by all the subordinate clauses a scandal was inevitable.
Squeeze Play: In a related scandal it is now clear that the earl’s market weight hogs do not wear lipstick. Donn Donn of the Piltdown Exchange has been managing the Live Hogs Pit for decades. Donn issued this statement: “The idea that our hogs wear cosmetics is anathema to the fighting spirit of the Live Hog Pit, adding insult to injury at a time when our precious free market liberties are at great risk from the Avon lady who insists on visiting the Pit and offering free samples of her products.”
Donn Donn purchased an atomizer and a quantity of Aqua Velva on the open market just two days before the scandal broke.
If Tuffy is beheaded it will send a message to managers everywhere according to a spokesperson for the Palace. “Just drill, baby,” he said.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.
Tags: Off With Their Heads