Wellington Leg: Engineers at the towne’s primary public utility have turned off the fiction pipeline as a precaution, a spokesperson said. Wellington Industrial Gases has taken over the business of fiction publishing from a dozen defunct publishers. “According to the New York Times we’ve seen a surge in fiction reading,” said chief engineer Boris Morris. “We performed hydrostatic testing at several points along the fiction pipeline and decided to shut it down.” Regular readers may recall that Boris Morris served time for plagiarism a common form of industrial espionage.
Back Ups? With fiction supplies dwindling even as demand spikes Wellington Industrial Gases dispatched riders to the fog shrouded estate of the forty third earl. While 43 snoozed in his hammock the entire household was “thrown into a great confusion.” Quick thinking on the part of embittered dogsbody and memoir maven Urquhart Depew saved the day. “Tell 43 that the pizza guy is here,” he said.
Crisis of Confidence: After a post nap repast 43 mounted his steed and led the charge to the very spot where the fiction gusher lanced skyward above the shattered pipeline. Despite a heavy rain of chick lit and post modernist woe 43 donned his mail shirt and catchers mask before wading into the fray.
Blizzard Conditions: This section is narrated by eye witness Tuffy Tuffington: I’m standing on Boris’ shoulders to command a better view: from our vantage point we see the well head and the figure eight formation of pipelines labeled Current Fiction, Midllist, Funny, Unfunny, Fake Memoirs and Pulp fiction. The earl, or 43 as we call him these days, is armed only with classical appreciation classes and a blowtorch. Whoa, that’s a huge flare of escaping fiction! I think he’s found the bottleneck…it looks like a non-fiction book blocking the way.
Run for your lives.
It’s Ann Coulter!