Piltdown Exchange: Excitement roiled early trading on the exchange after literary futures rose unexpectedly. At the Live Authors Pit traders doubled down on the survival of the publishing while short sellers ran for the exits. The sudden burst of optimism coincided with the announcement that the forty third earl typed three words in a new manuscript before falling back to sleep.
Hog Wild: Envy hit the neighboring Live Hogs pit where market weight porkers jostled executives for a better view of literary trading. “This is where the action is on the floor,” said pit boss Tweed. “Anytime the earl is back in action you know things are going to be crazy.” Few traders can forget the Hog Rebellion of 2007 when the Piltdown Exchange was rocked by a series of literary frauds. At one point during the revolt the hogs controlled both the freight elevator and the remote control switching channels from CNBC to the Farm Report.
Dead Authors Thriving: Agents and reps got physical over at the Rights Pit where the poet Virgil went on sale shortly after the market opened. Latin poets rose 45 cents while mystery and suspense breached its two hundred day moving average. Regency romance bucked the trend reversing on the news that Queen Victoria is dead and has been for some time.
Nevertheless paranormal and vampire futures endured a triple witching expiration with little blood spilled. A bushel of vampire teeth sold for a new April high forming a contango against the July contract. With the yen strong and the Euro wobbling some of the vampires quit the floor. “I’m out of here,” said Count Vlad. “It’s tap city man,” he added.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.