Wellington Leg: Just as the Towne teetered on bankruptcy the 43rd earl unveiled a towering e-reader designed to compete with the Amazon Kindle. Called the Obelisk the new device is forty feet tall with a vertical viewing surface as large as a drive in movie screen. In fact, Legians flocked to the long defunct Peron Drive in for a first glimpse at the new technological marvel.
Size Does Matter: The Obelisk made a dramatic debut as workers scrambled to secure the mighty reader to its anchoring pod of inferior Soviet grade concrete. Foreman Boris and his sidekick Natasha dropped the veil at the stroke of midnight, local time, to cheers recorded earlier from the Lakers game. One actual cheering citizen was our own Tuffy Tuffington, of the Tuffington Post. “I think I’m going to cry,” Tuffy said.
Orangutans approve: Several escaped orangutans viewed the ceremony from a stolen car near the drive-in’s entrance. They threw orange peels and apple cores until Mall Security arrived. “The monkeys or whatever they are drove off when arrived,” said Mall Captain Fierce Pierce. “I want to buy an Obelisk reader as soon as possible,” he added.
Production Lagging? Exhausted from their stress test executives of Big Readers in Henley Hornbrook may have realized too late that while the mighty Obelisk is impressive there is no content available. “We’re thinking Large Print Books,” said one boss. “Or just really big words.”
Until words big enough to fill the screen can be located, Towne officials plan to use the Obelisk for public service announcements. The first such message warned residents of Wellington Leg not to feed the orangutans or sell them gas. Unfortunately the primates had already gassed up by the time workers assembled the magnetic letters required to express alarm.
“Well, don’t sell them any more gas,” Hizzoner said after the ceremony.
The vehicle in question is a 1998 Porsche Carrera.
Tuffy Tuffington reporting.