Wellington Leg: As late night host David Letterman knows all too well a war of words can turn into a costly and prolonged guerrilla battle with unexpected developments and unscripted moments. To quote the Dude from the Big Lebowsky, “I’m trying to drink a beverage here,” is sometimes ineffectual during the heat of the moment. And the First Dude, though not a fictional character, has displayed an instinct for bringing a shotgun to a chess tournament.
Ask the Professor: Former minor league outfielder (Visalia where he hit .237 against kids who threw the same pitch over and over) and bon vivant ( while in Visalia he wrote a treatise about Baudelaire) where he casually tossed a live baseball to a fan who screamed that it was not a ground rule double and became an inside the park home run after the fan went for hot dogs pursued by stadium security and members of the bullpen: when confronted by the angry mob the fan said, “hey, I’m trying to enjoy a beverage here.”
“This style of crisis management is most efficacious in cases where a primitive argument is carrying the day against a sophisticated riposte ( such as: I know you are, but what am I?) often comes acropper. That’s why Rent a Crisis is so valuable now. For a low low price you can carry Rent a Crisis in your handbag or jammed into your back pocket. Contained in handy book form or in Kindle ready molecular form, are thousands of rejoinders right at your fingertips. Here are some free samples:
“I’m trying to enjoy Letterman here.”
“I couldn’t have spilled beer on your girlfriend. I’m drinking Chardonnay.”
“I think the F train stops in Chinatown, but maybe not.”
“I’m a guest of Rudy Giuliani.”
“I’m not saying that Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is great American cinema, but the Alamo tour scene is worth sitting through the rest.”
“Wie bitte?”
If you act now the entire Baudelaire oeuvre may be rushed to your door at no extra charge!
Not available in the Continental United States, its territories or possessions.