Wellington Leg: In what scientists are calling an unfortunate accident local author Tuffy Tuffington has been hurled into outer space aboard the experimental space craft Archie, sources on Mount Baker report. Wellington Leg entered the space race after the Dowager Princess ordered a forty foot likeness of Herself planted on the moon. Until today the cardboard portrait has been standing in the Dunkin Donuts parking lot. “This may be real progress,” a palace spokesperson said.
All Wheel Drive: The Archie spacecraft is a hybrid whose retro rockets resemble a Wurlitzer jukebox. “We wanted retro touches,” said Program Director Dawn. “Once Tuffy clears the earth’s atmosphere, he will be able to drive the Archie toward the moon. The owner’s manual is pretty complete although it is considered a work in translation.”
Don’t Press the Big Red Button: One theory that could explain the accidental launch involves a field trip for zoo animals who visited Mission Control late yesterday. After a game of ping pong two Orangutans slipped away from the party and entered the space launch module. “We’re not saying they hit the big red button,” Mall Security Chief Fierce Pierce remarked. A small fire at a Nordstrom’s Rack distracted everyone shortly before the space craft lifted off.
Dog Days: The Archie is designed to move through space at about 55 miles per hour. “Obviously we intended to honor the double nickel,” said program director Dawn. “If Tuffy goes a little faster, he should touch down on the moon about six years from now,” she added.
Another option is to launch a tow truck to retrieve both Archie and Tuffy. The truck would be hurled into space from atop Queen Anne hill, weather permitting. Queen Anne is often shrouded in fog in a chiaroscuro redolent with gloom. Local residents are opposed to the idea and vowed to stop the launch. “It would irresponsible to launch a tow truck into space,” one man said. He also demanded more street parking.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.