Hauptbahnhof: Train service between Wellington Leg and Russia was suspended yesterday after it was revealed that the Pacific Ocean is in the way. In a burgeoning scandal surrounding Mysterious Rail Tours, customers complained that instead of being carried to Russia they toured the Oregon town of Yachats.
Archibald Hairless of Henley Hornbrook booked a ticket with the company for a train ride through Siberia. Instead he now realizes that the train meandered through the Province of Alberta where he reported seeing numerous cows and the occasional Commissar waving to the train.
“That was probably a Canadian farmer,” Mr. Hairless recalled.
Sisters Charlotte and Emily Bronte are among those passengers who now feel duped by Mysterious Tours. After signing up for a trip to the Winter Palace in St. Petersburg, the sisters now believe they trained through the streets of Tacoma Washington. “We saw the Tacoma Dome,” Emily said. “That was nice,” she added.
The Flying Squad raided the offices of Mysterious Tours early Tuesday and carted off a scale model of Moscow. “It was very detailed,” said DCI Borchardt. “There was a tiny figure of Vladimir Putin waving from the Kremlin,” he said. Another Russian doll banged his shoe on the table, but only when sufficiently wound up.
Update: the express train to Yekaterinburg scheduled for a 16:45 departure this evening will leave on schedule. The train will bypass Magnolia Ridge and make steam for the Sea of Japan. First class passengers should arrive eleven hours early; no one seems to care when second and third class arrive. Large dogs are okay as long as they are on a leash. Distant relatives are okay too.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.