Wellington Leg: Economists say that the diffusion index has turned positive sources close to the palace say. The closely watched metric measures the amount of energy expended by a consumer during sporting events. The test subject in this case is a man from Hatterborough who made eleven roundtrips between his couch and refrigerator during the Yankees-Tigers game. Except for a sharp single to left the unidentified fan missed none of the action on the field but did miss several tire commercials.
The recession is over: The diffusion index is a combination of two other indices, the Confusion Index and the Difficulty Multiplier. Any reading above the value of 50 tells policymakers that recovery has begun. “I’ll race you to the mall,” said one forecaster.
Jobless Recovery? While the index is higher the labor market continues to struggle leading to what pundits refer to a jobless recovery. “Things are good but no one has a job,” explained one economist. “Hey, I just got fired.”
There is more difficulty than confusion in the diffusion reading at this time; once this ratio turns around everyone will have jobs again but the economy will collapse.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.