David Thayer

Wellington Leg: This year’s Literary Faire began shortly after three o’clock this morning when Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe roared through towne on a red Indian Scout motorcycle. A crowd of three outside Dunkin Donuts cheered as Prudentia tossed a wedding bouquet to Night Manager Cindy. “I’ve never won anything before,” Cindy said. The bouquet was confiscated by mall security shortly before Cindy’s shift ended at seven am.

His aim is true: Senator Foghorn consoled Cindy with a cash offer for her maroon Yugo. Waving a copy of his bestselling Beige Book, the senator arranged a trip for Cindy to the Fed’s discount window. “I asked for a billion dollars,” Cindy said. “I’d never heard of the cash for clunkers program,” she added.

When Books go Bad: As a test case the forty third earl’s masterwork VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA may be returned to Eddie’s Book Nook this Saturday in exchange for cash. The Senate Literary Oversight Committee declared the book a clunker after Senator Foghorn discovered that Voltaire was a “French person.” Adding insult to injury Senator Leghorn dropped the massive tome on his foot after being startled by a lobbyist discussing the Louisiana Purchase. “We’re not returning Louisiana to France anytime soon,” Leghorn vowed. Foghorn seconded the motion joined by Longhorn who came in third.

One lucky customer received a $3,500 credit after dragging VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA across the Sierra Nevada range. He also managed to trade in his donkey for a new Chrysler minivan. “This baby has air conditioning,” the lucky fellow enthused.

Late word from the Palace: anyone attempting to return the Dowager Princess’ Her Lyrical Poetry will be beheaded. A word to the wise.

T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.