David Thayer

Wellington Leg: An article in yesterday’s New York Times highlighted a cash giveaway outside a Barnes & Noble in NYC. Author Donald Trump was slated to appear promoting his latest THINK BIG AND KICK ASS. The Donald wasn’t handing out the dough; that was left to the Learning Annex founder and president Bill Zanker. Perhaps Mr. Zanker has learned a thing or two about author appearances: the first 100 fans were given $100, the next 200 received 50, and the unwashed thousand received 10. This, my friends, is the law of diminishing returns right here on the corner of Fifth and Forty Sixth. By the way if you add 5 and 46 you get fifty one and that would get you 100 if you’re accustomed to sidewalk events and know how to wait. All those years outside CBGB have paid off at last.

This sort of thing is not new. Professional mourners have been hired for years and now we have professional author fans. Of course, THINK BIG, resonates with several subgroups including:

People who are already waiting: these are bus people. Some of them ride a few stops and then wait some more. Very approachable from a marketing point of view.

Hangers On: they’re not entourage material, but they look excited. Oh My God it’s Donald Trump!

Lost People: they have maps, they have navigation systems and yet they find themselves bewildered when Bill Zanker hands them cash.

Once they accept the money they can’t very well ask directions to the Cloisters.

The Guy who has a meeting downtown: you know this guy. The question is, if he has a meeting downtown, what’s he doing in Midtown?

Fans of Donald Trump: they get it because they THINK BIG.

The Seattle Mystery Bookshop has a cavalcade of stars this week appearing in support of new releases in crime fiction. The city is cooperating by not jackhammering Cherry Street in their relentless pursuit of a Northwest Passage believed to be a gateway to China. The great search has shifted over to Second Avenue even as late summer tourists take the Underground Tour.

Your reporter met Tim Hallinan over the weekend. Tim’s Bangkok novel A NAIL THROUGH THE HEART was released in June by Wm. Morrow, an imprint of Harper-Collins. He’s at the Poisoned Pen in Phoenix this week, followed by a visit to M is for Mystery in San Mateo.

Tim and I established beyond a shadow of a doubt that I cannot remember anyone’s name. Luckily through grunting and pointing at books I was able to express my admiration for several authors whose names escape me. Michael Gruber, Denise Mina, Stuart MacBride, Natsuo Kirino sprang to mind when the spines of their books became visible.

Zoe Sharp is town on Thursday. Her novel SECOND SHOT is out. I read it and liked it, and it appears that her character, Charlie Fox, is moving to New York. Ms. Sharp is refreshingly grounded in the school of realism.

MJ Rose is here on Friday for a lunchtime appearance. Her latest novel, THE RESURRECTIONIST, is generating plenty of buzz.

Have you read TOKYO YEAR ZERO by David Peace? No? I want you to, and not only that, so do the entire staff of the Druidical & Literary including sullen intern Lucretia Borgia. I’ll have to gather my wits and talk about this novel another time. I’ve seen the James Ellroy comparison, in fact, he blurbed the novel, but my thoughts ran toward Mo Hayder’s THE DEVIL OF NANKING and even Shirley Hazzard’s THE GREAT FIRE.

Correction: MJ Rose’s new book is entitled THE REINCARNATIONIST, not what  I wrote earlier. Sorry MJ!

Wellington Leg: Ed Champion asked Marisha Pessl the following question: “What sort of herringbone plot structure did you jump off from?” Sadly we don’t know what Ms. Pessl’s reply was as the edition of the Bat Segundo Show “An Interview with Marisha Pessl” was spiked by Ed in deference to his inability to connect with his subject.

Marisha Pessl is the author of SPECIAL TOPICS IN CALAMITY PHYSICS, published by Viking last year.  The last time I wrote about Pessl the hits went through the ceiling and the squirrel cage that powers this blog overheated. But we’ve come not to praise Ms. Pessl nor defame her since the merits of her novel versus the size of her paycheck creates intense but uninformed response in the hearts of authors everywhere.

I’m thinking more about Ed than Marisha. He is the most talented book reviewer working today bursting at the seams with passion, energy and flamboyant insights that cause some discomfort, angst, even schadenfreude. Perhaps Marisha flinched in the batter’s box noting Ed in full windup is a daunting sight.

I think the correct answer to Ed’s herringbone plot structure question is: “Huh?” That’s just me. Someday I hope to be worthy of a Bat Segundo interview after topping the charts with one dazzling novel after another ( unputdownable!). Fortunately I have time to prepare for Ed with an informal study of men’s  suit and a subscription to WOMENS WEAR DAILY.

Here’s to seersucker plot devices and next year’s fashions.

Thursday, April 26, is the big day for mystery fans as the MWA will announce the EDGAR awards that evening. The award dinner will be at the Grand Hyatt Hotel near Grand Central Station. Ironically the hotel is larger than Edgartown Massachusetts and has color coordinated lobbies and elevators to guide guests through its halls. Your reporter is color blind and will have to cover the event from the Wellington Leg Hostelry and Pension, a Mrs. Frothingmunster joint.

David Ulin, new boss of the LA Times Book Review, has Sarah Weinman writing a crime fiction column for the paper. Sarah’s first article is about ghost writing and the phenomenal success of dead authors who continue to produce work although quality control is difficult from beyond the mortal coil. Here in Wellington Leg we’re excited that St. Benedict is writing again after a fifteen hundred year hiatus: breaking him out may present a different challenge but our own Lars Kierkegaard believes St. B is a natural for the Today show.

After the Dowager Princess drops a few pounds she will be available as a spot starter for the Yankees. Her cut fastball is eating right handers alive in the Steinbeck League and the city of Detroit may drop the book making charges once Mitch Albom has his letter of apology. St. Benedict, who fanned three times against the Dowager, will co-author her Apologia in exchange for a pillow from Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

“It’s an excellent pillow,” he wrote. “Quite suitable.”

Prior to AD 631 monks were forbidden from owning pillows. The big box concept was in its infancy although parking was easier. Anon.

<p> Miss Snark has opened her window for a writing contest as of 5pm eastern, Friday March 23rd. I think if you’re in Australia this is a chance to relive Friday the 23rd on this side of the dateline. Plus you’re probably worried about Fall. Word limit: 100 words and they must include the following: snazzy, Reacher, griffin, Dan Lazar, and helicopter.

Links to Miss Snark? They’re everywhere and the contest starts in 20 minutes.

<p> Kiran Desai, author of THE INHERITANCE OF LOSS won the National Book Critic Circle’s fiction prize Friday night at the untelevised gala at the New School in NYC.  Congratulations to Ms. Desai who was an underdog against what some might consider the usual literary suspects.

<p> Two days late? Time is standing still on my computer what with March Madness, Li’l Dubya in Uruguay ( neocon alert: let’s invade Uruguay. They thumb their noses at us. First, let’s grab a world atlas so we don’t invade Paraguay by mistake.) Hell, let’s invade both countries and combine the guays into an over 55 community with strict covenants.

<p> More tomorrow if the hands of time can be pushed, pulled, or bent into shape. In the meanwhile I remain 48 hours behind all the late breaking news.

<p> Earl update: he and Depew have entered the Java Sea. Looks like they’re taking turns rowing. They should reach Australia in time for the earl’s Down Under Tour featuring The Who and the Wellington Leg Chorale. Sorry, New Zealand: you’re out of luck.

Wellington Leg: I’m a mystery fan and now a reviewer so going to Left Coast Crime last weekend was a double shot of fun mixed with professional interest. Like everyone who attends these events I learned a great deal, missed some events, met some great people and even managed to find parking. Here then some reporting:

I’d never met Jeff Pierce, the managing editor of January Magazine, the man who takes this reporter’s crime fiction reviews in hand, via email, and whips them into shape. I met Jeff and January’s founder, Linda Richards, as well as Stephen Miller and Megan Abbott. When Linda told me that January gets 35,000 hits a day I almost fell over.

Meeting Daniel Judson, author of THE DARKEST PLACE, one of my favorite books from 2006. Dan was bold enough to go for a walk during one of Wellington Leg’s signature cloudbursts. I discussed West Village geography with SJ Rozan, shook hands with the Killer Year gang, Sandra Ruttan, Bill Cameron, Toni McGee Causey, and Greg Battles. I spent some time catching up with Robert Dugoni whose thriller DAMAGE CONTROL is coming out Hachette this month.

Megan Abbott ( THE SONG IS YOU) and Peter Spiegelman ( RED CAT) discussed the events of 1964 in New York, the World’s Fair, Kitty Genovese, Bob Dylan performing for 14 people at a club on Bleecker. Why no one mentioned Marvelous Marv Throneberry is a mystery.

More highlights to come. I’ll tell you all about double clutching on the vertical while cashier vanishes and minivan closes distance blaring horn. Modern life, my friends, is all about parking.

Wellington Leg: Local residents are delighted this weekend to have a crime fiction con in their midst. Even the weather is cooperating: after a few attempts to blow the city into Montana mother nature has relented although local daffodils remain hunkered down in case Don Rumsfeld visits towne.

Gary Phillips is the toastmaster and Gary will be interviewed this morning by the Rap Sheet’s Jeff Pierce.

Your reporter will in attendance due to a glitch in screening out the obviously deranged. Traffic Advisory: Roman skirmishers have withdrawn from the 1-90 corridor, but remember AMC Pacers are forbidden within city limits. They bring back vivid memories of a bygone era when color coordination was in its infancy. TTFN.

Wellington Leg: Thomas Pynchon, author of AGAINST THE DAY, made a splashy arrival in downtown Wellington Leg. As is his custom Pynchon commanded the coveted Ninth Floor of the Hotel Faz before an appearance on the balcony. The author threw chocolate bookmarks shaped like rainbows at thousands of admirers. The force of gravity carried the candies ever downward as though guided by a great hand.

When word leaked that the author planned to go clubbing, Hizzoner’s Polka House stayed open past ten to accomodate the great man. Marjorie Morningstar, who had threatened to reduce the towne’s bond rating, reported hundreds of raucous book fans rioting near the Fressgasse. “I called the police,” Marjorie said.

DCI Borchardt brought in cavalry units from the Decima Claudia Legion camped near Costco. The controversial decision to use Roman mercenaries is not without precedent. “They are providing mall security at the Prince of Denmark Shopping Center,” Borchardt revealed. “Only through the holidays,” he added.

The Pynch Me Tour will end with a public appearance at Eddie’s Book Nook around noon. Pynchon is expected to land by parachute on FoldingPaper Square. Hizzoner, the Towne Council, and the high school marching band will greet the author as he descends. Residents are advised to avoid the Historic Rotunda unless in possession of an Engraved Invitation. Beheadings scheduled for today will be postponed, according to VP of Development Wilfredo Tagesblatt. “This is wreaking havoc with our schedule,” he said.

“Pynchon loves the limelight,” observed Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe chair of the Pynch Me Committee. The first one hundred citizens to buy AGAINST THE DAY will receive a Smythe oven and a supply of Pop-Tarts. “With the earl driving his hogs to the higher hills we expect the event to go smoothly,” she added.

Alternative side of the street parking regulations will be reversed for the spectacle. Lot 49, Section V, is set aside for oxcarts and other “impedimenta.” Don’t even think about parking there.

Author JA Konrath is on the road this summer crisscrossing the US. If you live in a small or medium sized country you might not that be impressed with the miles Joe is logging; you can drive all over the Benelux countries and not get very far. I drove from Frankfurt am Main in Germany to drop someone off at the airport in Luxembourg. It took about twenty minutes but for all the fuss at the border where the Duchy’s pantalooned guards seized a round of Ementhaler. Then there was the backup near the Phinius T. Bluster Memorial Aqueduct where a half dozen Peugeots had gathered to die.

Konrath is putting the Intersate System to good use. At the same time MJ Rose is touring the blogosphere promoting her latest novel The Venus Trap. While Joe is wedged into some kind soul’s Plymouth wagon, MJ is home. Joe is reading the Howdy Stranger sign at a Motel Six near Akron while MJ is sipping Pinot Grigio in the familiar surroundings of her living room.

Both authors are on tour. MJ is missing the smell of diesel at dawn, the slap of the sixteen wheelers on concrete, Conway Twitty on 50,000 Watts of Jesus fueled downhome AM Radio, crystal clear from Mobile to Rock Island. She cannot have a Hallejuhah. MJ will not know the special Monongahela Omelett with the dill pickle and tobasco chaser that makes Mabel’s Keep On Truckin’ the place to eat in the Ohio River Valley. Joe knows: he knows that the Red Roof Inn is actually is a brighter shade of orange almost vermillion when the heat shimmies from the asphalt parking lot in the late afternoon. We’re rollin’ with you Joe because we know in our hearts that without pain there can be no gain. Joe’s on a Road Trip and sweet choruses of Angels will thunder by and great puddles of greasy rain will cascade from the Jack in the Box sign. MJ is going to miss seeing that.

MJ, you have our sympathy. You’ll take a little jaunt to the market and as you pull into the driveway that FM radio will yield the opening chords of Houses of the Holy and you’ll wish the state of Iowa was filling your windshield just to jam with Plant and the boys. You know that’s gonna happen, girl.