David Thayer

Wellington Leg: With one writer in lunar orbit and another down in Argentina it’s been awhile since we visited Eddie’s Book Nook to see what Wellington Leg’s premier purveyor of books is up to these days. According to Marge, the afternoon cashier, the two thousand foot vertical shaft in the Lifestyles section of the store continues to be both a blessing and a curse. “We’ve broken a lot of rock,” she says. “Customers enjoy our new mezzanine at the one thousand foot level although the constant thump of horizontal drilling can be a distraction.”

Sarah Palin’s Memoir: The launch date approaches and already lines are forming in Wellington Leg’s Revolution Square. Eddie is offering the e-book version if your last name begins with e.

Glenn Beck Bobblehead Display: Eddie reminds everyone that playing with the Glenn Beck dolls in the front window is not only unfair to Glenn but to other customers who choose to follow the rules about pressing down on Glenn’s head and watching it bounce.

Good reads: Caro Ramsay’s ABSOLUTION and Stuart MacBride’s latest FLESH HOUSE.

Ende.

Wellington Leg: I thought it was time to reach into the mailbag for questions from readers. Unfortunately most of the mail is Cyrillic spam, or I guess it’s spam because with all due respect to St. Cyril, i have no idea what any of it means. Mysterious spam falls into the same category as a speech by Sarah Palin; sort of scary but garbled, troubling with hints of nascent demagoguery searching for a home. Perhaps pearls of wisdom lurk unnoticed in the spam collector bin lost to the inadequate language skills of your reporter.

His Literary Career: Most writers wonder when their literary careers officially begin. It’s tempting to say that the publication date of the first book would mark the beginning or the first poem or short story, but by the time something is published the author has spent years laboring away at their craft. I signed with a literary agent a few months ago after she read a crime novel of mine. Stacia is marketing the manuscript as we speak, so my literary career hasn’t begun yet. I wonder if she and I went in another direction and built a nuclear submarine together, people would ask us at the launch party “What gave you the idea to build a nuclear submarine?”

This speculation is a byproduct of anxiety. School teaches us how to prepare for pop quiz moments such as “name the knights of the roundtable,” which I got terribly wrong with Dopey and Sneezy as my first gut instinct response to a nun brandishing a ruler. However after time spent in the cooler I suddenly remembered Sir Lancelot but that ship had sailed, propelled by a nuclear reactor.

It is entirely possible that my literary career has already begun, and equally possible that it’s already over. That’s the tension writers live with as opposed to other jobs which have entirely different dynamics such as monitoring the parking lot at Dunkin Donuts for drive through bottlenecks. Some people freeze when asked to converse with a mechanical mouth. Others seem to enjoy it.

Here is one question from the mailbag: Can you name the new governor of Alaska?

Wellington Leg: As our beloved Gastropods stumble on a home stand after flubbing on the road I thought it an opportune moment to mention the crime fiction titles whizzing across the aisles at Eddie’s Book Nook. Eddie was supposed to write this column but a white rhino charged through the display window at the height of rush hour. Retail gets tougher by the moment.

Review in January Magazine: Alex Carr’s PRINCE OF BAGRAM PRISON is now up and running on January’s crime fiction page. Alex Carr is Jenny Siler who is always welcome at Eddie’s Book Nook once we clear away the Rhino debris and attendant vampire bits.

VODKA NEAT is the work of UK based Anna Blundy. Blundy is published in the UK by McMillan, the US by St. Martin’s. As a North American you’re going to be confused probably buying eleven of her books to discover there are really only three: the good news they’re terrific, so you won’t care.

THE WATER’S EDGE by Daniel Judson. Wellington Leg is Judson country although he prefers to set his stories on the eastern fringe of Long Island more Hampton Bays and Moriches Inlet than the summer hot spots further east. His characters drive through East Hampton but don’t linger. This is his finest novel yet and that’s saying something.

The Earl to the Yankee pen? Don’t be surprised by a June call up for the forty third earl. Yankee brass are working on a deal whereby the earl can take afternoon naps even during day games! This was the big sticking point last year along with the midges on the shores of Lake Erie. Stay tuned….

Wellington Leg: Eddie’s Book Nook has a list of mini-reviews posted today. Eddie has his thoughts on the latest from Alex Carr ( Jenny Siler) Steven Sidor, Jose Latour, Joseph Wambaugh, Brent Ghelfi, Kjell Eriksson and Cervantes.

THE MIRROR’S EDGE by Steven Sidor: Okay, you don’t like the horror genre. You don’t like scary books. This is one of the most well written novels you’ll read this year, so get over your genre angst and go get the book.

THE PRINCE OF BAGRAM PRISON by Alex Carr. This is Jenny Siler’s second Alex Carr novel published by Mortalis a Random House imprint. Your reporter is writing a full scale review for January, but I can tell you that Eddie liked it. He spilled coffee on his shirt and still liked it.

HIDDEN IN HAVANA by Jose Latour. Reviewed in January. Great story, wonderful setting, subtle sense of fun in the prose.

VOLK’S GAME by Brent Ghelfi. Picador has a wonderful list often overlooked by Big Box Candy Mountain. Let’s find a hero in Mother Russia.

THE DEMON OF DAKAR by Kjell Eriksson. We take terrible liberties with Eriksson’s work swiping blog post titles hijacking entire Swedish cities into Wellington Leg. I use the word “we” to spread the blame around. Sometimes I wish this were a group blog.

Miguel Cervantes: this is the guy who started it all. Well, he’s back in the form of spam. There’s a Dylan song with a reference to Cervantes but I can’t think of which one it is.

Editors Note: Almost forgot HOLLYWOOD CROWS by Joseph Wambaugh. If you’re a fan this is like coming home again. I’m not crazy about the acronymic title, but this has all the elements of his best work updated in the service of youth.

Wellington Leg: After a whirlwind visit from shelving consultant Sarbanes Ochsley Eddie Parker of Eddie’s Book Nook has hired sports editor Mandy Rice-Davies to restore order. “I think Sarbanes meant well,” Eddie said. “But a whole section of ‘boring books’ seems self-defeating to me.”

Mandy agrees. “I’m putting the new Wambaugh under the letter I which stands for “I like it.” She has the latest release by Daniel Judson under I for “I haven’t read it yet,” and Danielle Steele under I for “I didn’t like it.”

The Is have it: Eddie’s Book Nook now has a Bulge near the midsection of the alphabet: “Mandy has everything under “I” so I’m moving the espresso machine and the fax machine, which is really one machine, over toward the Clintonia section of the store.”

Sending Coffee Over the Airwaves: the espresso fax machine was invented in 1897 by the Ninth Earl of Watership Down. The device fell out of favor until 1964 when someone reading LET US NOW PRAISE FAMOUS MEN fell sideways at a sidewalk cafe in Wellington Leg’s arty warehouse district. “An arc of coffee, much like a rainbow, flew southwest without delay or distraction into the offices of Herself, a Magistrate.”

Eddie faxes coffee along with his New Release tearsheets to subscribers in 44 countries. He recently jolted the Chinese Politburo with a Sumatra blend and the latest Richard North Patterson.

Not everyone appreciates faxed coffee. Boris Norris is a traditionalist. He faxes chocolate bars from his office on Rittenhouse Square. “I sent a Snickers to John McCain. He sent it back Fedex. It was forty three feet long,” he said.

Concetta Comedia del’Arta reporting.

Wellington Leg: Crime author Sandra Ruttan has launched a new site called AT CENTRAL BOOKING that features a short piece by this reporter. Sandra’s novel WHAT BURNS WITHIN is forthcoming from Dorchester this May. Her ezine SPINETINGLER announced contest winners from 2007, some great nominations with winners including Laura Lippman, Sean Doolittle, and Allan Guthrie.

Several minutes later…I hope My Sharona was a suitable musical interlude for the interruption. AT CENTRAL BOOKING is linked under the author’s category.

Coming Soon: Debut author Terri Thayer’s WILD GOOSE CHASE from Midnight Ink. Terri will visit Eddie’s Book Nook and answer questions posed by the Druidical & Literary’s crack team of inquisitors.

Wellington Leg: No sooner had the news come across The Wire, the book reviewing staff at the Druidical & Literary raced down The Mall toward Eddie’s Book Nook where the eponymous Eddie was discovered to be “on line” examining the Mystery Writers of America website with uncommon focus. The fuss revolves around the Edgar nominees. Eddie’s vast mainframe is perhaps a vestige of an earlier era as it fills several rooms with winking diodes and requires acolytes of technology on hand in the event of a breakdown. Equipped with the Earl’s Own Cable & Wireless Deluxe Package the vast machine also provides power to neighboring shops and the battery powered guillotine on Great Rampling Strasse.

Wellington Leg’s favorite on the paperback original list is Kevin Wignall for WHO IS CONRAD HIRST? Kevin will be invited to the Leg as soon as the Dowager Princess recoups her losses on the NFL playoffs and resumes her iron fisted reign by fiat and decree.

John Hart’s DOWN RIVER is the choice by proclamation from the Tower according to police sources. DCI Borchardt, himself an auteur, and avid reader nominated Hart in the Best Novel category. “The Flying Squad sits ready to provide security arrangements should Mr. Hart appear at Eddie’s Book Nook,” Borchardt said. There will be no repeat of the chaos surrounding William Jefferson Clinton’s recent appearance Borchardt added.

Apparently the Earl’s latest travesty RIMBAUD was excluded from consideration probably due to inclement weather preventing the book’s timely launch. RIMBAUD runs to thousands of pages and when serialized by the Wellington Leg Intelligencer caused a precipitous drop in circulation.

Smoke emanating from Eddie’s mainframe signaled the election of several write in candidates although many feel the process is corrupted by vanity publisher Yur Soveign. A committee will be formed to investigate vowed Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe, heiress to the Smythe Oven fortune and doer of deeds: her own novel of crime and punishment was destroyed in a shredding accident several weeks ago. “We have bits and pieces,” she said. “We await the arrival of an adequate supply of Crazy Glue.”

Literary Editor Rex Love-Handles reporting.

Wellington Leg: As Obama ascends and Mitt declines, Wellington Leg goes its own way, blown about by Freshening Breezes and the vagaries of feudalistic mismanagement.  This cliffhanger edition of One More Bite of the Apple seeks to rise above the sturm und drang to answer Infrequently Asked Questions, the annual rite of passage that explains why references to cosmetic surgery are rare in crime fiction.

Doctor Sky Randolph has opened his literary salon and cosmetic surgery practice on Great Rampling Strasse in Wellington Leg’s greasy grimy tenderloin. Dr. Randolph earned an honorary degree as a Doctor of Pith. He knows his way around arcane tax rulings and his potboiler PHILLIPA AT THE RAILING is a heart stopper about first communion.

OMBOTA: Your advertisement in the Druidical & Literary mentions fleeing Latvia. Were you practicing in Latvia?

Doctor Sky Randolph: There are only so many people there and they were all my patients. Eventually they all looked alike. The men resemble Mitt Romney.

OMBOTA: Will we, the residents of Wellington Leg, look like Mitt?

Doctor Sky Randolph: In due time. For the ladies I have three looks in my mind inspired by the noir films of the 40s, the femme fatale, the girl next door, and the girl next door to the femme fatale.

OMBOTA: So, Mitt will meet the girl next door?

Doctor Sky Randolph: He won’t notice her right away. Obama will though  and maybe Mike Huckabee.

OMBOTA: How about Rudy?

Doctor Sky Randolph: Well, a lot of angry Latvians resemble Rudy and I don’t want to repeat that mistake.

OMBOTA: Good luck Doc.

Doctor Sky Randolph: Don’t forget to purchase PHILLIPA AT THE RAILING on your way out.

I live next door to the girl next door and she lives next door to me. I think the femme fatale fell behind on her rent payments and some dirty rat kicked her to the curb. The guy looked a lot like Fred Thompson only Latvian somehow….okay, that’s a suspense pocket.