Could Have Been Avoided: “The asteroid should never have landed,” said Science Editor Copernicus. “The left fielder had a bead on it but the center fielder broke across the gap…no one called it.”

Filling Big Shoes: Over at Wendy’s Haus of Mirrored Sunglasses customer Bob Trooper was trying on a pair when the asteroid whizzed overhead. Bob, showing remarkable presence of mind, ordered everyone in the store to put their 3D glasses on: “When you get an asteroid you’re gonna have bright rays of displaced matter,” Bob said. He watched the asteroid in Wendy’s mirrored glasses while Wendy herself watched AMERICAN IDOL. “Those judges can be mean,” Wendy said.

I think it’s time we stopped, hey, what’s that sound? Alice Cooper of Number 7 Pike Place saw the asteroid approaching from the south: “It was coming along pretty fast and then it stopped to listen to a Neil Young song, then it made an illegal left turn during rush hour, man. I’m like where are the cops?”

I can see for miles and miles: No one had a better view of the crash than hitchhiker Dan Tana who rode the asteroid for several thousand miles. He hopped off near the city of Gdansk: “I didn’t expect a ride all the way to Poland.” Dan had hoped to reach Billings Montana by midnight. Dan’s leather jacket turned white with sparkles: “I’m going to Vegas,” he said.

Crater to be Cordoned: The Flying Squad has ordered a quantity of crime scene tape from Amazon.com. “I’m tracking the order,” DCI Borchardt said. Borchardt considered additional purchases while logging in. “Yeah, I ordered a Jimmy Buffet book and three sets of everyday dish ware. Oh, and a telescope.”

T. Rex Love-Handles reporting for Wellington Science.