Wellington Leg: The Forty Third Earl strolled Wellington High Street late Wednesday signing autographs and waving to passersby near the fashionable Arcade of Numerous Stores. His stunning appearance after so many weeks in absentia caused severe congestion where the major roads and byways cloverleaf into a thirty two lane Gordian Knot. Such was the outpouring from the citizenry that a phalanx of Volvo pursuit vehicles or VPVs, formed a flying wedge or wing T formation to relieve the snarl. “He’s back,” said Lars Kierkegaard, Publicist of Doom. “He circumnavigated the globe.”
He Says ‘Hey’ to Klatu: When asked what was new in the Leg, the peasants and serfs carried the earl on their shoulders to the Mars Lander. The crowd stood back as the earl approached the Space Monster, Klatu, who only yesterday devoured Henley Hornbrook’s famous brewery. With the field open before him the earl crossed No Man’s Land until standing nose to nose with the robot. After a brief pause for tea and a Fig Newton, the earl suddenly drew his sword, which Klatu promptly vaporized.
His Orderly Withdrawal: Swordless, and perhaps a little rusty after so long at sea, the earl parried numerous laser thrusts with his well worn copy of John Barth’s masterpiece THE SOT WEED FACTOR. Klatu hurled bolts of lightning and finally great balls of fire, to no avail. Unscathed the earl dashed backwards until the Space Monster’s glowing eye extinguished.
In an exclusive to the Druidical & Literary, the earl explained that his captivity by a blue whale was a “dream sequence.” Not his dream, but our dream, or as he put it, “your dream.” He went to say that Klatu is a menace, but as long he stays in Centennial Park, the danger is probably minor.
The Literary Fraud Squad is not amused. “Litmo is far from over,” huffed Mad Henry of Densmore. Sales of VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA have spiked since the earl’s mysterious disappearance. The eleven pound tome is a popular choice for the men who operate the Towne’s seige engines. “We launched one of those bruisers during the war with the EU,” said Gunnery Sergeant Virgilio. “That book is fabulous.”
Bureau Chief Bernita Tornado reporting.