Wellington Leg: The Whig Party’s response to President Obama’s speech last night is still being written sources tell the Druidical & Literary. Indeed the heavy lifting for the Whigs falls on the forty third earl whose plasma big screen television is on the fritz. Whig Maintenance recommends kicking electronic devices when they malfunction but the manual fails to indicate where to kick the big screen. Fortunately the President’s speech is available at the local drive in whose really big screen is viewable from the Dunkin Donuts parking lot on Irrational Exuberance Boulevard.
His First Impressions: As viewed from the roof of a Buick Six, the earl notes that none of the assembled dignitaries wore their ceremonial powdered wigs. “The forty third earl will no doubt decry this breach in decorum,” says Urquhart Depew embittered dogsbody and victim of medical record keeping. Depew was switched at birth with the earl in a tragic case of obsolescence, malfeasance, and baby blankets of similar color and heft. “Mine was blue,” Depew says in his memoir. “So was his.”
Undoing the Louisiana Purchase: As regular readers can attest the Whig Party is opposed to the Louisiana Purchase; while the US and France did all right in the deal, Wellington Leg lost control of large swaths of territory. Neither President Obama nor Governor Jindal mentioned the Dowager Princess and her claims to the Missouri Territory. “Let’s face it,” Depew says. “Might makes right.”
Powdered or Sugared? The earl is working on an energy independence plan that captures escaping gases formed by the Slush Pile. “As these orphaned manuscripts age they form a biomass of frustration; by simply attaching a hose to the bottom of the pile energy flows to a gathering point called a Vortex. Here in Wellington Leg we have several of these vortexes monitored carefully by Vulcanologists who came here from Vulcan for this very purpose.”
At the conclusion of the President’s speech the earl will race across Towne to deliver his rebuttal and pick up his dry cleaning. If the dry cleaner’s is open we should have the full text of 43′s speech in time for the D&L’s afternoon edition.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.