David Thayer

Lesser Wallop: In a surprise move the Planet Mars dispatched a lander to examine life on earth. The three ton machine touched down in Lesser Wallop, Wellington Leg’s most glamorous suburb.  The interstellar probe set to work immediately according to Science Editor Giles Goatboy: “After a soft landing the craft deployed a stairway, several antennae, and gardening equipment. It began collecting soil samples, vegetation, and a discarded blender. There followed some whirring and banging sounds, perhaps light drilling.”

Burying the Lede: The big news, though, was the emergence of a ten foot robot from the maw of the ship. Local residents report an irresistible force field emanating from the robot. “It spoke to me,” reported Antoine “Tuffy” Tuffington of nearby Carthago Nova. “It wanted to get a library card.”

Chief Librarian Edna Ponson denied the Martian request: “Library privileges do not extend beyond our Bailiwick,” she said. “I doubt that a robot from another planet will return Led Zeppelin IV in a prompt and timely manner.”

Few can forget the last time extraterrestrials visited. One of them borrowed VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA from the Bookmobile and never returned it. “That fine approaches one million of today’s dollars,” Ms. Ponson said. “We simply won’t get fooled again.”

Hailing the Robot: To pacify the Space Monster the Wellington Leg Light Orchestra will perform a medley to include HOUSES OF THE HOLY and WHEN THE LEVEE BREAKS. Hizzoner plans to give a speech to the Martian Lander ( You Can Stay But You Gotta Pay Me Cash.) It’s not clear as of this writing whether Martians grasp the essentials of government graft. Still, it promises to make for an exciting Sunday despite the Fighting Gastropods eleven game losing streak.

T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.