David Thayer

Great Wellington Shores: In an exclusive to the Tuffington Post a long time pirate named Ralph the Red is too discouraged by his career choice to continue pirating. In the hard hitting tradition of the Tuffington Post we ask the tough questions without flinching because if we had flinched Ralph would’ve sensed fear and sensing fear is a pirate’s stock in trade.
Our reporter, Tuffy Tuffington, rips the lid off the pirate game by stationing himself directly in the path of piracy. He spent two shivering nights at Lookout Point with Master of the Watch the 43rd earl. As dozens of pirate ships flaunted their presence in Gastropod Alley, 43 slept in his hammock, his feared broadsword locked away in the sword cupboard. Only once did he awaken. Seeing the mass of pirate ships below he flung open the plantation shutters and began reading aloud from this work in progress….
By the fourth paragraph I could see confusion in the pirate ranks; high in the rigging they checked their IPODS and Kindles, but it was too late. Ralph the Red sailed forth under a white flag begging 43 to stop reading.
Wearing earplugs this reporter withstood the barrage of prose long enough to watch the interlopers sail away and a big ship full of books dock near Eddie’s.
Wellington Leg is saved!
Update: Tuffy’s joy may be premature. The pirates may have stolen Sarah Palin’s memoir: Eddie reports that either the book hasn’t been written yet or Ralph the Red is a Trojan Horse. Either way, he’s bummed.