David Thayer

Wellington Leg: Yet another literary scandal may be brewing, this time right here in Wellington Leg, a towne whose literary credentials were swallowed whole only twenty four hours ago. The note instructing a blue whale to “swallow the earl” may have been penned by Prince Gaspar whose imperial Sharpie is now in the custody of CSI Caruso. That the scandal touches the Royal Family makes matters all the more complicated for the dedicated members of the Literary Fraud division of the Wellington Leg Constabulary.

Prince Gaspar Cannot Swim: Alerted to the crisis the Dowager Princess reminded court reporters that her nephew, fourteenth in line to the throne, “very nearly drown in two inches of water,” late last summer. Prince Gaspar, who is six feet tall, lay face down in a mud puddle of undetermined depth before a running footman came to his aid and rescue. “Would a man who cannot swim seek the company of a great ocean going behemoth?” she asked.

Doubts Linger: Experiments with whales and writing instruments have thus far demonstrated a marked indifference on the part of whales toward putting pen to paper. Despite the crackpot theories put forth by Professor Moriarity there remains little scientific evidence that a blue whale would write a note to a gray whale or a humpback to an Orca.

Boris cited: Hair stylist and former Soviet Ambassador to Wellington Leg, Mr. Boris is facing a fine for his role in the earl’s misadventure at sea. “I never flushed a whale down the toilet,” Boris said while banging his shoe on his desk. Lab technicians have built of a scale model of the toilet at considerable expense to the taxpayers. Attempts to stuff a whale down the toilet have been complicated by the absence of an actual whale. “We’re using bowling balls and a great big plunger,” said CSI Caruso. Results to date include a strike and a spare.

T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.