Wellington Leg: A large crowd filled Gastropod Stadium in the hopes of hearing the forty third earl’s flowing acceptance speech. This reporter sat in the tenth row with a group of off-duty Googlebots who seemed excited to be outdoors. Also on hand for the ceremony was Eugenia Phaeton and her mother. The hedge fund manager is looking forward to the fourth grade this year and hopes to liquidate her massive position in Frannie and Zooey at favorable terms.
Earl Tipped Over? A collective gasp was audible when the Smythe Award for Narrative Nonfiction was unveiled by master of ceremonies Consul Marius and his orchestra. The massive trophy was carried on to the dais by none other than Hercules accompanied by a squad of wrestlers from Wellington Greco-Roman. Big Herc delivered the trophy but in the process knocked over the earl’s folding chair sending the award winning author into the mosh pit near center stage.
Reversal of Fortune: With all eyes on the spotlit stage award presenter Prudentia Chalfont-Smythe reminded everyone that if the earl did not accept the award the coveted Smythe would be presented to the First Runner Up, a Mister Mann, Commander in Chief of Mall Security. Prudentia gave the earl five minutes to regain his lofty perch.
Gripping Melodrama: Meanwhile off stage the earl was being passed toward the center field fence ever further from the stage. With the minutes ticking by a clear headed fan loaded the earl into a home run cannon and lit the fuse.
Incoming: Mere seconds before the bemedaled Mall Boss rose to his feet the cannon fired sending the earl in a parabolic arc above the cheering crowd. Prudentia fainted, saved from serious injury by Big Herc as the earl began his descent toward literary fame. He landed with a tuck and roll in the Hemingway style before leaping to his feet arms raised in triumph.
Hundreds of bots rushed the stage probably due to some programming error just as Big Herc delivered the Smythe to the guest of honor. Staggering beneath the weight of the mighty trophy the earl fell off the stage a second time coming to rest near a French Horn.
“Next year we will conduct a more dignified Faire,” said organizer Mrs. Dalloway. “I don’t think literature and bodily injury go hand and glove,” she added.
Geraldo reporting.