Wellington Leg: Unable to attract the actual candidates the Wellington Leg Historical Society sponsored a debate between surrogates for Barack Obama and John McCain during the seventh inning stretch of the Fighting Gastropods most recent thriller. Obama and McCain met on the pitching mound where the forty third earl recited the ground rules not only for the debate but foul line and white chalk issues that lulled the crowd into a stupor, sources say.
Little John Strikes first: Perhaps over eager McCain tackled the earl while he was droning on about balks. The earl in full umpire regalia is not easily toppled but the feisty Arizona senator got the better of his opponent applying a half nelson, full nelson and Admiral Nelson before Obama could react. McCain vaulted the pitching rubber with the earl in a headlock while Obama reached for the resin bag.
Inexperienced in Brawls? McCain showed plenty of vigor as he circled the bases in a golfcart while Obama tried to mediate an immediate end to the bench clearing rhubarb. Obama sparred with Gastropods manager Tuffy Tuffington in shallow center field, territory McCain claimed as he zoomed in from right.
Historical Society Denies Blame: “Perhaps the central figure in this debacle is the forty third earl,” said Anatoly Romanov. “Since when does the home plate umpire venture beyond the pitching mound? Why would he pursue and tussle with a senior citizen?”
It’s Not Uncommon: Former Soviet Premier Leonid Breshnev is said to have to wrestled with umpires well into his golden years. Many observers expressed the feeling that the McCain surrogate went “off message” and failed to expound on his views regarding alternate side of the street parking regulations.
Senator Obama wants the definition of alternate side of the street expanded to include avenues, boulevards, and dual carriageways. Senator McCain advocates festival rules, a position endorsed by the Tow Truck Drivers of Wellington Bailiwick.
The forty third earl reported damage to his clicker, a mechanical device used to keep track of balls and strikes. “There goes half the strike zone,” Manager Tuffington fumed.
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.