The Historic Rotunda: Legians cheered a surprise visit from the Dowager Princess at Powdered Wig Factory Number Five on Nabob Avenue. The princess, resplendent in a designer frock designed by the Fighting Gastropods closer Andy Niles, handed out Feudalism Now bumper stickers and knocked back a few beers with selected serfs and vassals. Accompanied by the Consort Royal, the Princess aimed a few barbs at the President of France: “I demand that the French government cede the Gironde region to me,” she said to scattered cheers. “Don’t make come to Paris,” she added.
Our Military Might: “We’re still looking to replace General Herb,” a palace spokesperson said. “We’ve got the earl, of course, and the garrison near Octopus point. We have our slingers and really big pile of rocks in case the French invade again.”
That’s Not a Powdered Wig, that’s Senator Chris Dodd: “Sooner or later the new administration of President Obama will have to deal with the Dowager Princess,” said Count Vlad, part time left fielder and full time political adviser to the Palace. “Congress will wear powdered wigs whenever they deliberate the issues of the day. Only Senator Chris Dodd gets a free pass on the wig; Wellington Leg has five powdered wig factories operating at full capacity. You want a wig? You talk to us.”
Her Bellicose Nature: Large nations tremble when the Dowager Princess rattles her saber: Dunkin Donuts Night Manager Eddy the Beast recalls the time when she stopped by at three am to order profiteroles. “It was like, wow, the princess, and what’s a profiterole? We had to call Milan to find out what she wanted.” Milan is where Dunkin maintains its international headquarters.
Some Doubt the Strategy: “Wellington Leg must acknowledge that demand destruction is a factor in the wig race,” said Professor Moriarty. “We have hundreds of wigs in storage, but precious few buyers. Of course the wisdom of the Dowager Princess is not in question here. After all she predicted the profiterole shortage way back in 2006.”
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting for the Wig Newsletter.