Carthago Nova: The Russian Invasion ground to a halt near this picturesque village in the Vale of the White Mouse. The lead column of tanks and armored vehicles suffered during an encounter with the forty third earl who, according to witnesses, defaced every tank with his swift orange Sharpie. “He was a whirling dervish,” said former D&L Intern Heather Demedici. “He made orange marks on all their stuff.”
Geraldo’s Account: “The Russians drove west for three kilometers before the earl galloped into view. He dismounted and appeared to taunt the invaders with some sort of poetry reading…then he rushed forward with his Sharpie and began scribbling on the lead tank. He darted between the tanks leaving a similar mark before vanishing into a fog bank…”
Boris Bemused? Colonel General Commander Field Marshall Boris Dustov inspected a total of fifty tanks before concluding that the orange markings were actually an autograph. “I think he has signed our tanks making them unreturnable and voiding their warranty,” Dustov said. New armor will move to the front but the day is lost. “We will camp here,” Dustov said.
A Police Matter: Carthago Nova has a strict No Camping ordinance. Mrs. Edna Mayhew of Pouncing Primate Close filed a police report complaining that “Russian troops are camping and creating a nuisance.” Fortified with a warrant DCI Borchardt bicycled from Towne to commence an immediate investigation. However he suffered a flat tire en route to the scene leaving his bicycle to continue on foot. Borchardt noticed his police slicker had an orange mark on the sleeve. “The earl has gone too far,” he fumed.
The Russians fired a salvo from their field guns at the disappearing figure of the earl. “I think we got him,” Dustov said. The Field Marshall held a copy of VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA high in his hand. “You want rumble, Mister Earl? Come and get it.”
T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.