David Thayer

Wellington Leg: Researchers at the Big Box Institute near Goth are close to perfecting a writing pill, sources say. The pill was tested on mice writing memoirs and novels. A startling 67% of the mice thought they had finished writing a book, 23% said they almost finished 4% thought Paris Hilton is running for president and one mouse refused to make any comment at all. Mice with writers block were forced into a lengthy discussion of the Mets bullpen. 11% of those mice thought that Paris Hilton is a current member of the Mets roster.

Human Testing: Since 670,000 mice broke out of the laboratory over the weekend various other creatures have been given the Writers Pill according to Doc Holliday who administers the program. Rabbits did extremely well with a solid 56% believing they were typing when they were actually dozing, another 18% enjoying the Colbert Report while many others facing their fear of Elmer Fudd for perhaps the first time.

A Simple Plan: To round up the escaped mice sheriff’s deputies staked out Minnie’s a local bar noted for its tiny treadmills and test tube shooters. To enhance their vigilance the deputies and assorted volunteers were given the Writer’s Pill and a straight shot of Jack Daniels. A whopping 71% of those polled believed they had arrested the runaway mice, 12% said Barack Obama is a Muslim while a troubling 44% reported difficulty counting that many mice.

One Pill Makes You Larger: The Writing Pill has several side effects. Book reviewers turn up their noses at books written by mice especially when the book isn’t written. Oprah is not interested and for many life outside the lab is simply too demanding. The Re-Write Pill can reverse some of the effects but so far only 14% of the subjects believe they are rewriting.

There is a large reward for the capture of the runaway mice.

T. Tex Love-Handles reporting.