David Thayer

Wellington Leg: Apparently the earl’s luggage exceeded weight limits as the great blue whale expelled the author of VOLTAIRE’S MIASMA along with the suite of furniture he rode in on. Local residents complained of furniture “falling from the sky” in numerous phone calls to the Flying Squad. Constable Constable was on duty late last night when the initial call came in: “I was three blocks from Dunkin Donuts when I got the squeal,” he wrote. “A gentleman complained that his Schnauzer was forging an Amazon review on an antique escritoire.”

Pre-Rafaelite Doodling? Constable is also Wellington PD’s resident sketch artist. He displayed his rendering of the Schnauzer: “As you can plainly see the dog is posting an anonymous review…his paws are poised over the keyboard in a furtive manner. He is listening to a police scanner.”

Louis Quatorze in the dog house? Police recovered a massive and ornate “secretaire” from the Schnauzer’s palatial dog house. “It is very probably the object of art that the earl rode to safety after being launched homeward by the whale,” noted Professor Moriarity. “One supposes a parabolic longitudinal aspect to his dramatic reentry.”

Allegedly “Parnassus”the dog in question seized control of the blog One More Bite of the Apple making a series of entries that called into question whether humans can read or write. Fortunately while trying to press enter with his chin Parnassus  struck eject and was launched skyward before coming to rest on Mrs. Ahearn’s prize winning antimacassar.  Parnassus enjoyed a glass of Jameson’s and a game of scrabble before the Flying Squad arrived.

Constable Constable drew a portrait of Parnassus before taking him into custody.

“The skies over Wellington Leg are furniture free,” Constable said.

T. Rex Love-Handles reporting.