David Thayer

Wellington Falls: Where does electricity come from? I asked that question at an editorial meeting of the Druidical & Literary early yesterday. My boss told me that electricity comes from the light switch and sure enough he was right. After the meeting he took me aside and said, “That was a good question. Turn it into a hard hitting Tuffington Post.”

Water Feature: I’m embedded with a crew from Consolidated Steam as we seek the source of the Rhino River. After leaving Wellington Leg we pass the earl’s magnificent estate near Basking Shark. The grueling drive and close quarters make the crew edgy so we stop at a greasy spoon where bikers sip chai and throw darts. Everyone knows we’re from Consolidated Steam, but I think the bartender suspects I’m a reporter. My chai came in a regular cup with a Disney World logo on the side. The other guys got cardboard cups. No one asked me to throw a dart.

How Now Brown Out? Lots of customers are complaining that they have no electricity between eight in the morning and three in the afternoon. I’ve noticed that too because we use candles at the office. We’re in the high country now nothing but big horn sheep and McCain billboards shell casings and scorpions. The foreman warns us to wear our Con Steam hats all times now. Danger lurks behind every hanging basket where the hanging judge bangs his gavel demanding electricity.

One of Our Turbines is Kaput: “Probably damaged by a meteorite.” I’m reading my notes by flashlight…I think I’m on deadline. “This will take days to fix,” the foreman says. “We’ll make camp for the night on that ridge.”

It’s Very cold. It’s very dark. Coyotes howl. They say the outlaw Josie Wales camped here once. Oh man, here come those dart throwing bikers. Where’s my Con Steam cap? Where’s my chai?

Why did I take this assignment?

Tuffy Tuffington reporting.